Aug 2 1996
The summer is here and I have found the perfect album to get it started, give or take a few strange inclusions. Myself and Maisie have been listening to it over and over whilst drinking Dennis the Menace cocktails in the garden. Aren’t holidays brilliant?
This is where I am at for the next couple of months. My best mate in the world and her just as cool boyfriend have offered me their spare room for the summer. Considering the only other option I had was to move back to North Wales and be constantly harassed by parents into a holiday job – this feels like winning the lottery. Once again I am in awe at such kindness and feel ridiculously lucky to have such super mates. I have landed on my feet again and can bounce into a summer of madness in Cardiff.
Many people have left the city but there are still other cling-ons who refuse to face reality and get a grown up job just yet. It’s the Summer of ’96 and I am free, single and loaded up with credit cards. Where to begin…..
Well, other imminent exciting plans involve a camping trip to the Eisteddfod for some Welsh culture and drunken carnage. Then a visit from my American cousin, Erin, who will join me here in Cardiff for a two week stay. There will be a few days visiting my school friend in Chester and then the climax of the excitement being the new V festival in Warrington with Pulp headlining. Some people travel the world after they graduate, I am doing Carmarthen to Warrington via Chester. Exotic it may not be but, we will put our own stamp on it and make these trips to remember. The reality of job hunting can wait. This is time off well deserved.
I now have a couple of days to chill out here until Dai comes down from Bangor for a night out in Cardiff en route to the Eisteddfod. I have found my amazing ‘looks like it’s from the ’70s triangle tent’, have bought a portable CD player from Argos with a view to taking it back after its week of use and have secured a lift in Maisie and Rhys’ Mini Metro. All set.
If I allow myself time to reflect and if I compare the above plan for this Summer with what myself and Him had intended a few months ago, I am left shocked at the immense changes in my life. Our plan was to rent a flat together, get work and probably be engaged by the Autumn. Instead, I am sleeping on an airbed in a borrowed room. My recent life a trail of empty one night stands, never to be seen again friendships and more debt than I can bear to begin to imagine. I love my friends for putting me up and for putting up with me but, when I witness their love for each other, I do sometimes ask myself What if? I feel a little tiny bit lonely.
Everybody needs somebody and beneath the ‘I’m happy being me’ facade and the ‘Where’s the next party?’ bravado I must admit, to myself at least, that I do sometimes feel sad and I do miss Him…………..
I have just reread the above after wandering outside for a smoke. I can’t deny it but I can remedy it, I must get out more. Nights in on my own only result in self pity and ridiculous romantic notions.
Drown the heart in wine.
Aren’t holidays brilliant?