June 24th 1996
You know when you love someone so much that you feel honoured to have them in your life because they make living so good?
When you have invested all your emotions in someone, shared good and bad, ups and downs and genuinely appreciated all they have done for you.
When a chapter in your life is so intertwined with this person’s life that the thought of them not being there is too hideously painful to begin to imagine. Day in day out, sharing grubby hungover breakfasts, mentalist Force 10 lager and even occasionally an easily accessible bed.
When you’ve really suffered at the hands of another who meant the world to you and this person has tenderly nursed you back to normality.
There are stages in your life when your friends become your reason for being. My friends have been amazing through thick and thin. They have been there beyond loyalty and support.
But then something incredibly ugly happens. And life preceding this vile moment will become a rose tinted memory and that friendship will end and become a spiteful, bitchy war.
I am scared to actually put these words to paper as it makes it all real. But there is no denying that this is the truth. This has happened. Whatever the rest of my life throws at me, this has happened.
Harry has shagged Liam. Liam has shagged Harry. Whatever the logistics, whoever instigated this fine mess, it doesn’t matter. It is all SHIT. Shit that should never have happened.
Ruth informed me as soon as she could, even though she needed a few Stellas first. Harry had apparently confided all to her, in full on bragging mode, without any thought for my feelings. I know that myself and Liam were not going anywhere, I know I didn’t have a claim on him…blah,blah, blah. Still, he meant a lot to me and so did she. I think I feel worse than I did when He and I split.
I mean come on – there are boundaries in life! Grown up rules, respect.
What can I do? I have phoned Maisie and Rhys who are on their way round in their Mini Metro to take me to theirs. I need to get away from her house. I definitely cannot face her right now.
She is still unaware that I know and I want to keep it like that until I am prepared. I need to maintain some level of dignity when I finally confront her with this disgusting mess of her creation.
Right, here I come Canton via Victoria Wine (lots of.)
Snuggled up on Maisie and Rhys’ sofa under their patchwork quilt listening to Radiohead. The wine has taken me on an emotional mystery tour, starting with heart ripping pain, swerving dangerously into hellbent revenge and now ending up in semi comatose, numb, darkness.
Poor Maisie and Rhys have been my sounding boards for my every dastardly plan of vengeance but, I finally agreed with them that wandering the early morning streets of Cardiff in borrowed Pyjamas brandishing a vegetable knife was not cool.
I get my Final results in a couple of days. We were going to go together and drink champagne whatever the verdict just to toast our fabulous friendship.
This just throws another spanner in the works for my future plans. Cardiff do I stay or do I go?
Right, off to sleep in Maisie and Rhys’s womb like sanctuary. Try to forget all this craziness and nastiness. Tomorrow is a new day. The next chapter of the mystery tour, I just hope I have the stomach and strength for the world.