11 April 1996
Oh my God! Oh my God! OH MY GOD! Something absolutely, ridiculously, off the scale mental has happened. I am writing this the morning after the night before and I can barely get the words on the page because of my shaking hands. And this time they’re not shaking due to anger.
Where do I begin. Something has changed.
Right, calm down. I am going to try to clarify events by writing them down. Just let me have a cigarette first……..
Here we go…….. the crazy, unexpected happenings of last night.
Firstly, I went to Harry and Ruth’s house for pre-drinks as they wanted to cheer me up. It has been really hard going the last few days. Still no sign of Him so I have hidden myself away, listened to lots of music and been really anti social. Proper angst and black misery. Woe has been me. Every time the phone goes or the door opens half of me wishes for His return, the other half hates Him. But, so far, nothing.
So, last night with great difficulty, the girl’s managed to raise me from my pit, force me into a pretty dress, put a glass of vodka in my hand and almost make me smile. I could tell they were worried about me but that they were also saddened by the whole situation. They had known Him for as long as I had. Beneath it all though I sensed their undeniable relief. No one was fooled into thinking we were right for each other.
After the vodka was consumed we headed off to Fun Factory, surely the most appropriate Student Union night to attend in such gloomy times. Everyone was there trying to get some drinking, dancing and copping off in before exam time. It was packed to the rafters with the usual assortment of student. The Check Shirt Brigade; the rowdy rugby lads and even rowdier rugby gals; the Townies; the Indie Kids; The Frooges and The Geeks. All there, drinks in hands, sweating on the dance floor to Oasis, Pulp, The Verve. It really was difficult not to have fun.
Hours of dancing must have passed and we decided to go for a wander around, a ploy Harry often used as a pulling tactic. Let’s see who’s here and let them see we are here, “Is it any wonderrrrrrrrr?” we’d say as we set off, quoting Liam’s Brit Award for Best Band acceptance snarl.
Wandering we went, Harry looking for talent, me following her half heartedly because I wanted to be on the dance floor. Harry met some people from her Maths course and as I stood there idling, Ben caught my eye at the bar. He gestured an offer for a drink so I joined him. And that was that.
Except it wasn’t.
There was a lot more to happen. A lot more that probably shouldn’t have happened considering my current frame of mind. But a lot more that needed to happen.
After a couple more drinks and what seemed like endless, easy chat about every topic on earth he said he would walk me home. I have no idea how that chivalrous offer transformed into snogging on the sofa at his, but that was what happened. We spent all night in his single bed with Leftfield as our soundtrack.
And it was great. REALLY great and, this morning on sober reflection I still feel great. Just what I needed. It was bloody exciting!!!!! We are meeting in the library later for some B.I.P. work……..and I am going to skip the whole way in.